Far From Home
by xXduchessXx
Summary: Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student’s new course: All you’ll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover
1. Leaving Home

Title: Far From Home

Summary: Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

Disclaimer: If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

Warning: Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

A/N: This is my first Naruto story ever! I'm sure I've made some mistakes but I don't have a beta yet. If you want to apply, please tell me in a review. Preferably someone who's actually read the Naruto series… I know that Kotetsu is a character in Naruto somewhere but seeing as I haven't re-read the series in a while and have no idea what's happening in the shippuden because, due to extenuating circumstances, I haven't read or watched them, I don't know who he is! For the purposes of my story, he's a chunnin who has taught as a substitute in the academy before, but doesn't know Iruka very well.

Timing: Voldemort has already been defeated. This will be several years after the end of the seventh book.

Iruka sighed. About a week ago, he had received a new mission from Tsunade. He was to leave the hidden continent and travel to a school in Scotland called "Hogwarts". That had sounded ok. Go there, do something, be back within the month. Then he had read the next paragraph. He was to stay and TEACH at said school for the next 8 months. Iruka had had his fair share of missions in the past, but this one was bar far the craziest. The brunette threw another shirt into his suitcase, his closet almost empty.

Of course he knew about the wizarding society, but the wizards had only figured out about the hidden continents a few years ago. Apparently, they wanted their youth to have a basic understanding of ninja culture. Hence, Iruka's mission. He was to go and teach at Hogwarts for one year. He would have one other teacher to accompany him, a ninja named Kotetsu that he had only ever met it passing. They would end up teaching every single student in the school for at least one semester. Teachers, parents, and guests would come and sit in on the class often. The last pair of pants was thrown unceremoniously into the already full suitcase.

Iruka didn't own many clothes that weren't shinobi uniform and he only had a few uniforms that he washed every few days. He was planning on packing all the clothing he owned. Well, except for that one outfit that Kakashi had gotten for him… Iruka blushed just thinking about it.

He had been married to the copy nin for just over eight months now, and every day still brought something new. Kakashi hadn't been too happy about his mission. When Iruka had told him that he was going on a long term B-rank mission, teaching in a foreign country for the next eight months, Kakashi had just stared at him uncomprehendingly. Iruka knew that Kakashi loved him more than anything, and he expressed his love by being excessively clingy. Not that Iruka minded sleeping with him at night, or cuddling with him as he graded papers, or having to walk around the kitchen with Kakashi hugging him, but when Kakashi had started to follow him to work in the mornings whenever he didn't have a mission, and sometimes when he did, Iruka drew the line.

Iruka walked over and sat on the suitcase, zipping it up and tossing it outside the bedroom door. Kakashi had actually disappeared a few hours ago, and had not yet re-appeared. The school teacher flicked his eyes around the room, making sure that he hadn't missed anything. Satisfied, he turned around to leave, only to walk smack into his husband. Kakashi's ability to go completely undetected was annoying sometimes.

Without preamble, Kakashi grabbed Iruka around the waist and threw him on the bed, climbing on after him and pulling Iruka gently towards him so that he could spoon the younger man.

"I tried to talk Tsunade into giving the mission to someone else-"

"Kakashi I-"

"But she told me that none of the other teachers would work."

"'Kashi I don't-"

"Then I tried to get her to let me go with you."

"But the village-"

"And she gave me a really weird look. So then I tried to black mail her-"

"Kakashi!"

"And she kicked me out of her office." Iruka gave up trying to talk and just lay there, listening.

"Why does it have to be you 'Ruka? Why not some other teacher?" Kakashi asked miserably.

"Tsunade said that Kotetsu and I were the only teachers qualified for a mission like this because we had diplomacy skills and the courage to deal with large numbers of children every day without committing seppuku with a ruler after a few months." the brunette explained patiently.

"But I'll only get to see you every two months!"

"Not that I mind but why will I be seeing you at all?"Iruka questioned.

"Tsunade is going to let Genma and I check up on you every two months or so. We'll stay for two days to a week before coming back to Konoha."

"Well at least I'll get to see you. I remember that time you went on that mission… You were supposed to be gone for a week but you came back four weeks late and had to spend another week in the hospital recovering. I thought you'd never come home." They lay together, quietly enjoying the other's company. After a few minutes, Kakashi shifted, turning Iruka around so that they were facing each other. He leaned in and kissed Iruka hungrily, tugging him close and mapping out the sensei's mouth insistently. "What are you doing?" Iruka asked, panting.

"Giving you something to remember me by." Neither of them left the room until the next morning.

Chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka chicka. The train clattered along the tracks. Iruka shifted in his seat unobtrusively. Kakashi had kept him up all night. Iruka had lost track of how many times Kakashi had taken him, letting himself be swept along by whispered adorations and strong calloused hands. He had woken up late and almost missed the portkey that Headmaster Dumbledore had sent to take him to platform 9 ¾ . He was now sitting next to his new partner, Kotetsu, and sketching our lesson plans for the next few months.

"Since the kids don't know a thing about the hidden continent or ninja, I was thinking that we could start with geography and history before moving into chakra systems and how our anatomy differs from wizards and civilians."

Kotetsu had turned out to be surprisingly friendly. The man was smart, strong, and didn't appear to have any annoying quirks. Iruka was sure that they would grow to be good friends. "Yes, that sounds alright. We should probably leave bloodline traits for later in the year. Maybe we could do some basic jutsu and explain chakra types first."

"Then we can cover rank. Explain how things work in the academy and how genin move up." Iruka smiled, Kotetsu's teaching style was so similar to his own that their lesson plans were being formed almost faster than they would write them down.

"We should also figure out a punishment system. From what I understand, the sensei there use detentions, which I really don't think efficient. The kids don't really care. Any ideas on what we can use to make them pay attention?"

Kotetsu's grin became positively evil. "The headmaster said to use whatever punishments we were used to handing out, within reason. I think two laps around the Quidditch pitch every time they disobey is reasonable."

"The only exercise they get is walking between classes. The Quidditch pitch is almost a mile around." Iruka pointed out dryly.

"All the more reason we should help them get it shape." Kotetsu pointed out, crazy grin still on his face. Iruka responded with one of his own. Oh yes, he was going to enjoy this mission…

Three hours later, a stack of completed lesson plans, and a budding friendship later, Iruka and Kotetsu stepped off the train at the station in Hogsmead. They had had a compartment of their own on the trip but now they were seeing a few other teachers that had also taken the train. Most of them were climbing in to black carriages drawn by creepy, black winged horses, but two of the more friendly teachers had asked to walk with Iruka and Kotetsu up to the castle when they had politely declined to join them in the carriages. Their names were Harry Potter and Remus Lupin. Both of them were very polite and already knew to address Iruka and Kotetsu as sensei. They were busy giving the foreign teachers an explanation of what would happen for the first two weeks before school started.

"The headmaster lives here year round, and Professor McGonagall, she's the deputy headmistress, comes here two weeks before term starts. The rest of us come a week before the first day so that we can get set up." Harry explained. "You'll probably get the rooms on the second floor, they're right next to the rooms that were set aside for your lessons, and they have lots of room. A main room, two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a nice place."

"What is our schedule like?" Kotetsu wanted to know. "At home we go home every night and just have one class through the day."

Remus laughed, "We don't get that luxury here. We take four classes every day. The student schedule is two classes before lunch and three after. The teachers all get one period a day to plan and get things done. The first class starts at nine in the morning and the last class ends at 4:30. Classes are an hour and a half long with an hour for lunch. You'll only have a group of students two or three times a week, they're on a rotating schedule. Classes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are different from classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Some days are shorter than others, on short days, the classes are only an hour long."

"It's a smart schedule." commented Iruka.

"Yes, I like it. Oh, by the way Iruka-sensei, would you mind if I came and listened in on some of your classes, I'm interested in the hidden continent, but seeing as we only found out about you a few years ago, there aren't very many books out." Harry said.

"Not at all!" laughed Iruka, "Dumbledore-san said that we should expect visitors to our classes. Apparently, we're also going to be asked to speak in other classes as well, so that ninja jutsu can be compared to spells."

"Yes, I have plans for you. Mwahahaha!" Harry gave an evil laugh. Remus hit him on the back of the head.


	2. Not Like Home

Not Like Home

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

_**A/N: **_I'm know I'm bringing my favorite characters back to life, I can't help it! So, Remus isn't dead, Fred still lives, Dumbledore hasn't kicked the bucket, and Asuma is still hitting on Kurenei.

On the first chapter, I know I made mistakes. I've tried to go back and fix them on the document and then re-upload the chapter, nothing happens. Help? Anyone?

**fluffernutter sandwich- **I loved your review! I tried to reply to you personally but there was something wrong with the email and I couldn't… Anyway, you've given me some great ideas! Kakashi is definitely going to make a dramatic entrance, (and probably start molesting Iruka in the middle of class…) I don't want to give away too much of the story but I can tell you that many of your ideas will come into play! Thank you for one of the best review that I have ever received!

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Iruka shifted in his seat uncomfortably for the fifth time in as many minutes. He had been sitting in this chair for an hour already and he was very ready for dinner to be _over_. Unfortunately, the food hadn't even been served yet. The headmaster had just started to make announcements to the newly arrived student population and Iruka was sure that he would be here for at least another hour before he could get up and leave without seeming rude. Dumbledore's voice had long since been reduced to a drone in the background when Iruka noticed his name jump out of the mess of words.

"On a brighter note, we have two new teachers. I'm sure that you've all heard of the existence of the hidden continent. To help to educate you about our new friends, we have hired two ninja teachers, Iruka-sensei and Kotetsu-sensei, to teach here for the year. If this program is successful, we will continue to hire teachers for the years to come."

'_Please don't let it be me! Please don't let it be me!' _Iruka thought desperately.

"Will everyone please welcome our new teachers!" Dumbledore shouted. The students roared and clapped, every eye in the hall riveted on Iruka and Kotetsu. They both nodded and smiled. "Now everyone," Dumbledore continued, "Odd,pop, bubble, and tweak!"

Having accustomed themselves to this odd routine during the last week, Kotetsu and Iruka didn't jump when the food appeared on the serving plates strategically situated around the table. They picked up knives and forks and began to eat what they thought they could choke down. On the first day that the Japanese teachers had eaten with their colleagues, Harry and Remus had noticed that they had sighed at the sight of forks and knives and had hardly eaten any of the rich English food. The next day, the food had been better, a few Japanese breakfast foods mixed in with the bacon and eggs, but the knives and forks could not be gotten rid of. The rest of the teachers had poked curiously at the strange new food, but after Professor Flitwick had leapt up from the table screaming in pain after accidentally putting to much wasabi on a piece of sushi he had been trying, the English teachers had avoided any food they didn't recognize.

Kotetsu added a small bowl of noodle soup to his plate as he tried to ignore the stares of the students. He felt like he was eating under a microscope. Every move he made was examined and discussed. His shinobi instincts were screaming at him to _get out of here now,_ but Kotetsu knew that ne needed to endure the torture before he would be allowed to retreat to his room to relax.

Iruka kept his eyes on his plate, reciting the multiplication table in his head. '_Eight times six is forty- eight, eight times seven is fifty…fifty… Ok so I need a new way to distract myself. I wonder what Kakashi is doing? Probably moping around the house. I hope he's eating properly; the man never could cook unless it was to save his life. I love him but his food tastes horrible. I swear he lived on takeout and ration bars before I came along. The man tried to fry salad! I hope he doesn't get too depressed without me there to cheer him up. No, Tsunade knows better than to leave him alone with nothing to do… She'll probably just give him a bunch of missions with Naruto and Sasuke… But that will just make him more depressed because Naruto is almost as big of a pervert as he is when it comes to Sasuke and I'm not there for him to molest anymore… He had better not start peeping on girls again while I'm gone dammit!'_

"Iruka, Iruka!" Iruka blinked.

"Yes, Kotetsu?"

"It's time to go, you've been zoned out for the last fifteen minutes."

"Right, right." Iruka murmured distractedly, getting up and walking absentmindedly after Kotetsu. What if Kakashi really was cheating in his absence? No, he wouldn't do that, would he? '_He isn't like that, in fact he's probably more worried about me finding someone else than I am about him peeping on those poor girls…'_

"Hey! Hey! Professor Iruka-sensei!" Iruka turned around to face the small girl that had come up behind him while he was distracted.

"It's just Iruka-sensei, actually."

"But we're not allowed to address professors informally." The girl replied, confused.

"You're not. The suffix _sensei_ means teacher or professor in Japanese. So calling me Iruka- sensei is just as formal and much less awkward as calling me Professor Iruka."

"Ohhhhhh" the girl said. "Well, I just wanted to welcome you and ask what you were going to teach us!" Iruka smiled at her. The girl was obviously very bright and eager to learn. She probably wouldn't make any trouble in his class either. He loved students like that.

"Kotetsu-sensei and I are going to start with the history of the hidden continent before we cover shinobi, if that's what you're wondering." The girls face fell. "It's ok, if you've already read up on the subject, you'll be on top of things, and I'm sure that we'll mention some information that you don't know. Go on now; you're supposed to be in your common room."

The girl peeped before running off down the corridor yelling "Goodnight Iruka-sensei!" back over her shoulder. Iruka smiled back at her before turning to walk back to his room. Maybe teaching here wouldn't be so different from teaching at home.

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When Iruka and Kotetsu walked into their first class of the day it was _chaos_. One student was locked in a full body bind. His eyes frantically whizzed around the room, looking for the people most likely to step on him. Most of the students were talking loudly. A few girls were giggling, hunched over a magazine, passing around a tube of lip gloss. Iruka thought back to the description of the class. First period Monday, Slytherin and Ravenclaw sixth years. Sixth years? These kids were little monsters! The noise hadn't stopped when the sensei had walked into the room, if anything, it had increased. The Ravenclaw boy who had been in a full body bind had been released and was now screaming bloody murder.

Kotetsu looked over at Iruka nervously, noticing the tell-tale red face and twitching eye. He had never been present for one of Iruka's infamous explosions, but he had heard enough stories to know that one was imminent. Kotetsu reached over, took the papers that Iruka had been carrying, and beat a hasty retreat behind the desk.

"QUIET!!!" Dead silence descended on the room, all eyes focused with horrified fascination on Iruka's red, twitching face. Iruka didn't even have to say anything else. He glared at the students and the room sprang into action, boys and girls scrambling for their seats. Ten seconds later, the room was full of model pupils, sitting demurely at their desks and paying _strict_ attention to their teacher. Iruka walked over to the girl that had the magazine hidden in her bag and held out his hand. It was handed over without complaint. He walked back up to the front of the room and surveyed his students. "Better." Was all he said before moving over to the desk and sitting down. Kotetsu watched him carefully for a few seconds to make sure that he was done before taking his place at the front of the room.

"My name is Kotetsu-sensei. As Iruka-sensei explained to a student last night, the suffix sensei means teacher, so you don't have to tack professor in front of our names. Now, on with the lesson. What do you all know about the hidden continent?" a few hands raised tentatively, afraid to trigger another explosion. "You." Kotetsu pointed at a Slytherin boy.  
"I heard that it's inhabited entirely by ninja." Kotetsu nodded and picked another student.

"We only found out about it a few years ago."

"You make your living off of killing people." The last sentence was spoken by a haughty looking Ravenclaw girl.

"Almost, yes, and no." was Kotetsu's answer. "The continent is inhabited by a mix of civilians and _shinobi_. Learn that word, whenever you think ninja I want you to say shinobi." Kotetsu walked up to the chalkboard and pulled down a map of the world. This map had eight continents. A large land mass shaped roughly like Australia was hovering in the ocean near Japan. Iruka stood up and continued the lesson.

"Around 1200 AD Wizards set up a penal colony on the hidden continent. About 1300AD, the wizards on the hidden continent had developed their own society and were moving forward faster than the "outside" world. A group of wizards came together and set up a barrier around the whole hidden continent that hid it from everyone that didn't live there. The national language became Japanese, seeing as Japan was the closest and the majority of the wizards living there spoke it. Soon enough, the wizard's magic began to change to fit the environment. There was no way to acquire new wands, so the magic began to evolve, forming shinobi. Our society has lived separate from yours for almost 700 years now. We knew about you, but your existence was only revealed to people who needed to know. Getting off or onto the hidden continent was impossible until four years ago when an unspeakable uncovered an ancient manuscript describing the hidden continent. An effort was made on your part and after watching several unsuccessful attempts to gain entrance through the wards, the Kages of the diamond alliance, which you will learn about later in the year, decided to let wizards into the hidden continent, so long as they adhered to some conditions.

"Wizards may not visit the hidden continent without a valid reason and a visa that has been verified with one of the Diamond Alliance Kages and the Minister of Magic from the country that they come from. We must also have a visa that has been signed by both authorities if we wish to visit here. Kotetsu, I believe you had better answer the third comment." Iruka finished.

Kotetsu continued, "You said that we make our living off of killing people. This is not strictly true. Shinobi make a living by completing missions assigned to them by their Kage. A mission might be anything from weeding a garden to escorting an ambassador to, yes, an assassination. Missions that involve death are out-numbered ten to one by simple missions. So, though shinobi are sometimes required to kill, it is not all we make our living off of." Kotetsu was telling the truth, but considering the amount of missions assigned each day, the ratio or deadly to harmless missions didn't really mean much. Of course, he didn't need to tell them that. "Are there any questions?"

The barrage of questions continued until the end of the period. When the bell finally rang, there were groans from the students. "I think this is the one class on my schedule that I would actually enjoy taking every day!" On student said excitedly as he walked out the door. Iruka and Kotetsu grinned tiredly at each other. They could do this…

TBC


	3. Temporary Home

_**Temporary Home**_

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

_**A/N: **_Next chapter up already! I'm so happy with myself! Kakashi has forced himself back into the story again. The next chapter should be interesting…. Please leave me a review! As fluffernutter sandwich demonstrates, it inspires me to write quicker and gives me ideas!

**fluffernutter sandwich I Love You! **You make me so happy every time I see that little email… I don't know if I'll include Peeves or Anko yet but I'll think about it. Do you even have a profile on FanFiction 'cause I can't find you…. *sniff* it makes me sad!

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Iruka and Kotetsu had been teaching at Hogwarts for three weeks and felt that they were finally adapting to this new way of life. Both of them rose at 5:45 in the morning and trained on the Quidditch field or in the Forbidden forest until 7:30. Then they had time to go and shower before breakfast and prepare for their classes. With a free period before lunch, both teachers had more free time then they were used to, and they were enjoying it immensely. The sensei divided up papers and quizzes that needed to be graded and ended up with plenty of time to do whatever they wanted.

Iruka was spending most of his time in the library, learning spells and cultural quirks that he had never been able to learn about on the Hidden Continent. Kotetsu preferred to spend his time training, as he felt that he was getting "fat and lazy". They were both very satisfied with the way that their classes were progressing. There were no really accurate class books that weren't printed in Japanese available, so the sensei were learning to do without. Their classes mostly consisted of lectures that the students would take notes on. Homework was frequently assigned, mostly in the form of short essays or questions that could be completed using notes. Quizzes on the material were given every few days, with a large test every three weeks. The students could not use notes on quizzes and tests.

Iruka had written a letter home begging Kakashi for two pairs of chopsticks that he had obligingly provided along with a short letter that was written rather like a mission report, detailing everything that had happened in Konoha in the last three weeks. The lack of emotion in the letter had worried Iruka, and he had started to write long letters that he would post every few days using school owls. Kakashi rarely responded, but when he did, his letters remained short and miserable. Kotetsu would write letters occasionally, but he would never tell Iruka who they were for, just shrugging and murmuring something about an old friend. Overall, the new teachers had acclimated themselves well.

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The students of Hogwarts were busy adapting to the new teachers. The news of Iruka's explosion on the first day of school had spread like wild fire. He was feared and respected, students jumping out of his way when he walked down the hallway. After two weeks of being deathly afraid of him, most of his students figured out that he only exploded when provoked, and began to form a tentative friendship with the man. The students who knew him said that he was kind, smart, and always willing to help. Soon the entire population of Hogwarts was great friends with the man, calling him the best teacher in the school and laughing with him in the hallways.

Kotetsu on the other hand, was revered with a holy terror. He was just as smart as Iruka, and could be just as nice, but he was much, _much_ easier to annoy. His glares become legendary, and at the sound of his voice, students would flee the hallways. Kotetsu had given his first detention out to a seventh year on the second day of school. The boy had been snooty, insulting Kotetsu, Iruka, and everything about the Hidden Continent that he could think of. Even after being warned, the boy just wouldn't shut up.

Kotetsu had grabbed the boy by the scruff of his robes and tossed him out of the class room as if he weighed no more than a sack of potatoes. A _small_ sack of potatoes.

At lunch, the sensei had walked into the Great Hall and called the boys name in a dangerously sweet tone of voice. "Luke Grisham, please follow me to the Quidditch field to serve your detention."

"But I haven't finished eating yet!"

"Too bad." Kotetsu had shun shined behind the boy and dragged him from the hall with a smile on his face, singing modified nursery rhymes about exactly what little boys were made of. Later the story circulated around the school. Kotetsu had dragged the boy out to the Quidditch pitch and forced him to run two miles. He was allowed to walk, but not for longer than thirty seconds at a time, and only if the time was followed by a minuet of running before the next walking period. He had fainted once, after about a mile and a half, but Kotetsu had just dumped a glass of water over his head and made him finish. He had been late for fourth period and had not been able to eat any lunch. Similar stories popped up for a while, but after two weeks, no one dared to act up and Kotetsu could eat his lunch in peace.

But even after the school had adapted to the new teachers personalities, there was no escaping the fact that Iruka and Kotetsu were _shinobi. _ Often, they would forget about doors, entering classrooms through the windows. Fourth period on the first day of school, Kotetsu had left the class room to go and pick up a map that he had forgotten in his rooms that floor below. He had jumped out of the third story window to go fetch them. The class had panicked. Boys screamed, girls shrieked a mantra of "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" and one second year had fainted. Kotetsu had come back through the window and calmly asked what the problem was. Three more people fainted and the rest of the class had no answer.

None of the classes had begun the section on chakra yet, so Iruka had had a hard time explaining that it was perfectly normal for shinobi to be able to walk up walls, or on water, or to "apparate" within the school wards. The sensei tried their hardest to act as "normal" as possible, but sometimes instinct got the better of them. For a shinobi, a window was a perfectly reasonable way to get in and out of a room. When a portable swamp had been set up in one of the corridors, walking down the hall on the ceiling had been normal for them. After a few days, the sensei had decided to damn the student's sensibilities; they were going to get around however they wanted to.

Besides, shinobi reflexes came in handy during class. During the first week, one of the students had come to fourth period horribly sick, she said that it was probably something that she had eaten at lunch and could she please go to the nurse. Iruka had said no and to swallow the antidote and sit down. The girls had acted confused at first asking, what antidote and protesting that she was sick and couldn't possibly stay in class. Kotetsu had replayed with a sarcastic ha ha and that the other side of the poisonous sweet was in her bag. Swallow it and sit down before I give you detention. This was the first, but not the last time that the Japanese teachers caught students using Weasley Wizard Wheezes. The students grew to have a healthy respect for Kotetsu's well trained eye.

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Tsunade glared at Kakashi.

Kakashi glared back.

Tsunade looked pointedly at the door.

Kakashi looked at her flatly.

"Will you just go already? I told you no!" Tsunade finally exploded.

"I have gone three weeks without seeing Iruka and there is no way in hell that I will wait another two before going to him. I've handed in my mission report, paid my bills, and requested politely to leave. The next step is to leave whether you declare me a missing nin or not."

"Look Kakashi," Tsunade sighed, "I don't know why you worry about him. He's perfectly capable of looking after himself and I've sent an Anbu to watch over him. I know it's a long time for you to go without seeing him but I don't understand why you can't just wait for two more weeks."

"If you don't let me see Iruka, I am going to go kill someone."

Tsunade's eyes widened. "Post Mission Stress?" She looked closer at the Anbu, noticing his rumpled clothing and the dark smudge under his visible eye. "You got back last night. You should be over it by now."

"Iruka's not here." was Kakashi's answer. His voice shook slightly and his eyes flicked from one object to another, not settling on one thing for more than a few seconds.

Tsunade steepled her fingers and stared hard at Kakashi. He really was a mess, she noted critically. She knew of other Anbu that relied on spouse, girlfriends, and boyfriends to recover from missions, but they could manage to live without their significant other for long periods of time without breaking down. Kakashi was definitely close to breaking. Too close to stay in the village safely.

Tsunade's eyes closed. "You're mission is reversed. You will go and live at Hogwarts with Iruka, reporting back to me once every six weeks. Genma will continue on the prearranged mission schedule, bringing visitors to Hogwarts once every six weeks. Whenever he comes, you will travel back with him and whoever he brought, give me a report, and go back to the school. Good luck, shinobi of Konoha." Kakashi didn't need any more than that. He disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

"Stupid, unstable, idiotic Jounin." The Hokage grumbled, "Shizune! Bring me some sake!"

TBC


	4. Peices of Home

_**Pieces of Home**_

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

_**A/N: **_Now things get good!

"_Speaking in Japanese"_

_'thoughts'_

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"Ok class, today is the day you've all been waiting for. Today, we are going to cover shinobi and mission rank. Tomorrow, we begin studying chakra." This was Kotetsu's brisk announcement at the beginning of class, four weeks into term. A ragged cheer came from the students. They were bored of history and wanted to learn the way of the shinobi. Iruka began.

"The first step to becoming a shinobi is to enter the academy. All children are required to take three years of general school, starting at four. When the child is ready to begin their fourth year of school, they make a decision to continue in general school and remain a civilian, or to enter the shinobi academy and begin molding their chakra for later use in life. I teach at the academy when I'm not on missions, and Kotetsu-sensei is a substitute teacher." Kotetsu continued, writing on the board as he did.

"An academy student learns for four years. At the age of eleven, they are given a test. If they pass, they are put into groups of three and assigned a jounin-sensei, a teacher that will give them the attention and lessons that they need to pass the chunnin exam. Genin take the worst missions. For the first few months of being assigned to a jounin-sensei, all they do is train and work. They get to weed gardens, fix roofs, carry old ladies groceries, and catch cats. A bit of personal history that you won't find in books. In Konoha, there's a woman who loves cats, but her cats hate her and they run away _all_ the time. It's a kind of initiation when you're a genin to be told to go and catch the cat. Every single shinobi of Konoha that I've ever talked to has done it! Anyway, moving on.

"When the jounin-sensei believes their students to be ready, they enter their pupils in a chunin exam. A student may be entered many times before actually passing. The chunnin exam has two purposes. The first is to test genin skill levels and to determine who will move up a rank. The other purpose is to substitute for war. You all just finished learning about shinobi wars so you know how devastating they were. The chunnin exams give the hidden villages a chance to compete and show off their shinobi. If a village proves themselves strong in the chunnin exams, they are likely to have more missions requested of them and fewer villages will be willing to take them on.

"Chunnin are skilled, but fairly average. They take missions, but also fill most of the jobs like teaching, working at the mission desk, lackeys at the hospital, general, easy stuff.

"The next highest rank is jounin. Jounin are highly skilled and are qualified to take on a genin team, though it is not required. They are the backbone of the shinobi village, taking high rank missions and passing of their skills to the next generation.

"Most ninja never make it past jounin, but there are higher ranks. The Anbu are a kind of secret police. They are swift silent, and very, very deadly. They wear masks at all times when they are on duty and serve the Hokage unconditionally. Most of the time, they work as jounin and only put on their Anbu masks when they have to. If you are ever privileged enough to meet one, take my advice and do whatever they tell you to.

"The Kage is the strongest shinobi in the village. They are the "rulers" next to the council. They hand out missions and are entrusted with organizing the village defense.

"Sannin are on an equal skill level with the Kage, but have no more control over the village than a jounin. Any questions on shinobi rank? No? Good. I'll let Iruka handle mission rank."

Iruka stood to continue. "Missions are ranked so, from bottom to top; D, C, B, A, S, SS. Genin take D-rank and the occasional C-rank. Chunnin handle C-rank and B-rank. Jounin handle A-rank and S-rank. Anbu handle S-rank and SS-rank."

The white board now looked like this;

1) Kage

strongest

assigns missions

2) Sannin

equal skill with Hokage

3) Anbu

secret police

wear masks, cannot reveal true name

S-rank and SS-rank

4) Jounin

take genin teams

A-rank and S-rank

5) Chunin

Handle general shinobi jobs in village

exams take place of great shinobi wars

C-rank and B-rank

6) Genin

3 man teams report to jounin-sensei

D-rank and C-rank

"You will be tested on this. Any questions on mission rank-" At this point Kotetsu was cut off by a loud rush of wind and swirling leaves. Iruka's eyes widened, "Kakashi?" Anything else that he was going to say was cut off by Kakashi's mouth when he was kissed furiously. The class stared for about two seconds before the wolf whistles started. They were stopped a moment later by a Kotetsu glare. Kotetsu walked up and yanked Kakashi away from Iruka. Kakashi glared at him, a cold look in his eye. Kotetsu faced him squarely. "_If you continue this here you will embarrass Iruka."_

That was all it took, Kakashi and Iruka disappeared in a swirl of leaves. The class was silent, looking apprehensively at Kotetsu. He took a deep breath and faced his class. "That, my beloved students, was Kakashi-sensei, Iruka's husband. You will not mention what just happened. Please respect Iruka-sensei's wishes. If anyone starts rumors about this you will have lunch detention with me for a month. Anyway," Kotetsu's face became impish. "Seeing how I obviously can't continue the lesson without Iruka-sensei's help, why don't we do something fun!" He shun shinned away and back again so quickly that no one would have noticed that he had left at all if it weren't for the red wood box in his hands.

"This isn't really something that you need to learn, but it's interesting. For the last half hour of class, I am going to teach you about types of weapons…"

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Skipping back in time a few minutes….

Skip

Skip skippidy

Skip

Skip

Skip

Kakashi rushed through the trees, leaving no trace of his passing. '_Iruka Iruka Iruka' _ was all that he could think. He knew he was getting close to the castle. Soon he would be able to shun shin in… Hogwarts loomed in the jounin's vision. He didn't even have to slow down as he searched for and found his love's chakra signature. _'Iruka'_

Back to the present

We go,

We go,

Back to the present

We go!

"Oomph!" Kakashi heard the air rush out of Iruka's lungs when he shoved him against the wall, but he really couldn't bring himself to care right now. Desperately, he fastened his lip to the brunettes again. '_Make me forget, Iruka. Make me forget.' _Suddenly, Kotetsu's words came back to him. _"If you continue this here you will embarrass Iruka." _ They were out of the classroom, but perhaps he should move to a more private place… Regretfully taking his lips away from Iruka's he panted out, "Bedroom, now."

Nodding shakily, Iruka put his hands together in the seals for the shun shin no jutsu, teleporting them both to his room.

TBC


	5. Quirks From Home

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

_**A/N: **_Fluffernutter sandwich my heart beats with joy at the youthfulness of your review! I re-you're your reviews about ten times a day for new ideas! There is going to be a very amusing piece on the general quirks of jounin and chunnin but that won't happen until Genma is around to hear it and be mortally offended. ^^ I hadn't thought about Naruto's reaction to chocolate frogs yet… You give me many ideas! mwahahaha! I go to torture the characters! I'm typing as fast as I can because I want to finish this story before I go on vacation for six weeks and have no computer… Also, a note for KakaIru fans, me being one of them, I am going to post a story about them getting together, I don't know when it will happen, only that is will… eventually. Fluffernutter, can I post parts of your review on here so that everyone can see your wonderfulness?

Yes, most of this chapter is Omakes, I have about ten different ways for every situation to happen but I just can't type them all! Thus this chapter comes into being… I am also going to _try_ to type my first lemon ever. I don't think it sucks to bad, what about you?

"_Speaking in Japanese"_

_'thoughts'_

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OMAKE 1- The Swamp Scene

"What the hell?"Iruka stared blankly ahead. The third floor corridor outside his classroom had been turned into a swamp. Reeds, swamp grass and dark, dank, water covered the entire hallway.

"Is this some misguided attempt to get out of our class? Are we really that horrible a prospect?" Kotetsu wondered out loud.

"Over here!" a voice yelled. Craning their necks around the door frame, the sensei saw Professor Lupin waving to them from the end of the hallway. "It's a portable swamp; we'll send a boat to get you out. It'll be gone by tonight!" Another blank look was shared before Iruka and Kotetsu stepped out on the water, walking towards Lupin.

"Why in the world would anyone go to all the trouble to invent a portable swamp?"

"It makes a great prank Iruka, you've got to admit." Remus just gaped.

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OMAKE 2- Detention scene

"Run Dancer, run Prancer! Run Donner and Blitzen!" Kotetsu sang happily from the stands.

"Shut…Up!" Luke wheezed.

"Come on! It's been half an hour and you still have ¾ of a mile left! Faster! "Uhhhh…" Luke collapsed. Kotetsu zipped happily up to him and dumped his water bottle on the boy's head. Luke sat up, spluttering.

"Come on now! Lunch ends in ten minutes! You'll make me late for fourth period at this rate!" Luke jogged on wearily. Only another half mile. Just…another…

"Oh come on! Nobody faints again that fast!"

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Alternate Scene- Enter Happy Kakashi

"Ruka!"

Enter chibi Kakashi, running with arms outstretched towards Iruka. Iruka looks at him blankly.

"You're…early?"

Kakashi sobs and retreats into his inflatable emo corner.

"We're brutally separated for four whole weeks and that's all you can say!?"

"No,no, 'Kashi. I'm just surprised that's all."

Iruka tries to comfort Kakashi, who turns his back and sobs pitifully.

"Nobody loves me!"

"Oh knock it off!"

Iruka snaps and whacks Kakashi on the head with his Icha Icha book.

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Short Lemonish scene

…

Iruka teleported himself and Kakashi not just to the bedroom, but to the bed. Appreciatively, Kakashi laid himself full length over Iruka and kissed him senseless. 'Finally.' was all he could think. Iruka was mewling and arching for him so wonderfully that he decided to give him a reward. Slowly, his hands trailed downward, gripping the bottom of Iruka's black shirt and lifting it over his head, breaking their kiss only to re-attach himself to his loves wonderfully tan neck.

"'Kashi!" Iruka gasped, gripping Kakashi's hair as hard as he could and pulling him closer. Over the course of the next five minutes clothes and hair ties were lost, sheets were rumpled and hickeys were given. Iruka ended up pressed chest down on the bed with his ass up in the air as Kakashi rimmed him.

"Ahhhh! Please! Please 'Kashi more!" Kakashi raised his head, sharingan spinning in the darkness.

"Your wish is my command my love." Kakashi gently inserted two fingers into Iruka's wriggling ass. As caught up in the moment as he was, he was still careful not to hurt Iruka, reaching for his prostate and adding fingers slowly. His member throbbed, wanting to be inside Iruka now and damn the consequences! Kakashi withdrew his fingers.

"Mine." the possessive jounin whispered into the brunette's ear as his entered him. Iruka couldn't form a coherent word to answer. Sex just felt so _good_ after four weeks of celibacy.

Now Kakashi let go. He rammed into Iruka as fast as he could, groaning in pleasure. Iruka was crying tears of pleasure, screaming every time his prostate was hit. "I… am… never…leaving…you…again!" Kakashi snarled between thrusts.

"Yeeeesssss!" Iruka wailed to the ceiling. Kakashi loved his 'Ruka like this. Unrestrained and just so damn beautiful it made him want to lock him up in the bedroom and never let him leave again.

"Cum for me." Iruka's body responded automatically, releasing at the command.

"Ahhhhhh!" Kakashi came just after his partner, the feeling of Iruka's tight, hot walls clenching around him taking him to the peak of pleasure. The jounin pulled out of his husband gently, arranging him on the bed so that he could hug him in his sleep.

"Love you." Iruka purred. Kakashi closed his eyes.

"I love you too." He was never letting this go again.


	6. Introducing Home

**Introducing Home**

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

_**A/N: **_Ok everyone I'm back! I needed I little extra time to format ideas for this chapter and even so I think it's short. Good news, I have the first chapter of my Kakashi meets Iruka story up! Perverted Stalker, Meet Innocent School Teacher. I like it! Please review. Fluffernutter Sandwich, I don't know where you are but I miss you! Thanks to KakashiKrazed for a wonderful review! A big thank you to every ones patience with the last chapter and this one, the story will finally get good again in the next chapter, when Genma comes for a visit with Neji and Sai…

"_Speaking in Japanese"_

_'thoughts'_

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Iruka yawned and snuggled closer to Kakashi's naked form. He loved waking up like this. It was always so warm in the bed, his body comfortably sated and his lower back aching for just a few minutes before 'Kashi would wake up and- "Mmmmmmhhh." A calloused hand rubbed smooth circles on Iruka's lower back, healing chakara sinking into sore muscles and soothing the aches brought on by a long night of sex. Iruka knew that he should be getting up to prepare for lessons, or maybe yelling at Kakashi for embarrassing him in front of his class, but right now, he was just too damn comfortable to move.

"Good morning Koi." came the whispered greeting in Iruka's ear.

"Mmmn, morning love." Iruka wound his arms more tightly around his husband. "You're here early."

"I couldn't wait, I missed you too much." Kakashi's hand wandered further up Iruka's back, healing chakra trickling away to be replaced by firm, pressing fingers. Iruka arched happily into the massage.

"I missed you too." Two pairs of lips fit together perfectly.

"I won't leave you again."

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"Okay class, shut up and listen up." Kotetsu never was in the best mood for his first class. He would feel sorry for them but he wasn't awake enough for that yet. "Today we move onto chakra systems. You have a quiz in a week. October thirteenth, we have a guest speaker, hopefully. They'll be introducing you to bloodline traits. Now, someone give me a definition of Chakara. You, girl with the brown hair."

"It's Marie, sensei."

"I'll have forgotten by next class anyway. I need my brain for other things." The girl sighed but continued with her definition.

"Chakara is the energy that shinobi use wandlessly in place of magic."

"We do a damned good job of it to. Now-"

"Sensei I have a question!"

"Good so do I, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Write a one foot essay defending you position and turn it in to me tomorrow. Now as I was saying." Kotetsu glared at the class daring them to interrupt. "Chakra flows through our bodies. Everyone has a chakra system, but unless the system is developed at an early age, your chakara is never used. Wizards have a chakra system similar to muggles. Though, due to a genetic fluke, you have, surprise surprise, one chakara point in the palm of either your left or right hand, your wand arm. By saying a Latin word and using magic from other animals to draw your magic out, you are able to perform spells.

"Shinobi have three hundered and sixty-one chakara points located all over our bodies. By stint of training, we are able to draw our chakara out and manipulate it. We can channel chakara to the bottoms of our feet and walk up walls, we can use 'healing chakara' to seal wounds or drive out illness, we can use chakara to power our movements so that we can throw farther, move faster, and jump higher. Still, over half of our arsenal is jutsu. We can manipulate our chakara through hand signals and use the evolved chakara to perform a jutsu. Jutsu come in many forms. One jutsu will create a stone wall, while another will create ice needles that will home in on your enemy.

"Shinobi do not spend their valuable time figuring out how to turn a piece of fish into a couch, or making dishes wash themselves. In the wizarding world, those kinds of spells make you lazy. Instead of walking five steps to go get something, you summon it. Instead of sitting on the floor and stretching your muscles, you conjure yourselves a nice fluffy loveseat. It's gets pathetic after a while. Your one sport is played sitting down.

"All of our jutsu have a vitally important use. We do not waste chakara on trivial things when we can use to save lives instead. Now, I want everyone to write down three questions you have about chakra, and I'll answer them till the end of class.

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"Who's your friend sensei?" Dumbledore asked curiously as Iruka led Kakashi into the headmaster's office.

"Actually, he's my husband, Hatake Kakashi." Iruka blushed as he introduced the two; at least Kakashi had humored him as far as to put his perverted orange book away.

"Ahh! Forgive my mistake; it's good to meet you Kakashi-kun! What is the reason for your visit to the school? Do you have a mission?"

"Mah! Actually I came to visit my adorable little Dolphin-chan!" Iruka tried to melt into the floor. His face was the same color as the crimson carpet, so it couldn't be too hard…

"I'm afraid that if you don't-"

"I also have a mission from the Hokage herself to come and assist in lessons anyway I can! There is no extra fee to you." At this Dumbledore brightened. Three teachers for the price of two, what a wonderful deal!

"In that case, welcome to Hogwarts Kakashi-sensei! I will introduce you to your students tonight!" The poor man had no idea what he was getting himself into.

TBC

I


	7. Here Comes Home

**Hyuuga From Home**

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

_**A/N: **_Fluffy is alive! I love fluffernutter's reviews… *sigh* Did you read Perverted Stalker, Meet Innocent School Teacher? Here I go, guessing, ok, fluffy foods, marshmellows? Angel cake? Biscuits? Peeps? Challenge back to fluffernutter, you'll never guess what instrument I play.

kakashikrazed, your review was also wonderful. You make me feel so much better about myself!

By popular vote, the most popular line in the story so far is:

..."Sensei I have a question!"

"Good so do I, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Write a one foot essay defending you position and turn it in to me tomorrow. Now as I was saying."

Ok! Enter Neji! Mistakes in previous chapters are revised. If you see any mistakes, _please_ tell me. I hate it when I see a mistake weeks after a published a chapter and wince at the thought of all the people who saw it…

"_Speaking in Japanese"_

'thinking'

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"Kakashi we have to get up! No! No, let go of me. We have to-. Don't. You. Dare… Kakashi!"

Kotetsu didn't even _want_ to know. He had been with Genma on and off for the last few years and he knew how weird the man got in the mornings. Kakashi was stranger, more perverted, and stronger. Therefore, Kotetsu merely banged on the door before beating hasty retreat. Iruka would come along as soon as he was able.

"Kakashi let GO!"

Kotetsu sighed. Stupid Jounin.

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Genma felt like crying with joy and kissing the ground, but he that would have been un-manly, so he just kept walking. Hooray for Hogwarts, liquor, and food that didn't come in a plastic wrapper!

The trip had been torture. When the Hokage had told him that for the next nine months he would be escorting shinobi from Konoha and Suna to and from Scotland, he had been thrilled. It would be like paid vacation! Now he wasn't so sure. Hyuuga Neji and Nara Shikamaru hadn't spoken a full sentence to him since they had left Konoha. They kept disappearing for short periods of time without telling him where they were going. The entire trip had been one long awkward silence!

The three shinobi stopped by Hogwarts front doors. Neji and Shikamaru looked back at Genma, silently asking for directions. Genma shrugged uncomfortably.

"I'm just supposed to get you here. I don't know what's supposed to happen next!" Shikamaru rolled his eyes and followed Neji inside.

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Upstairs in Professor Trelawney's classroom…  
x

Professor Trelawney stumbled, falling on her backside. A group of worried girls came to help her up.

"Professor are you all right?"

"Did you have a vision?"

"Uhh, yes! Yes, a vision! A…man! Yes, a man with the power of sight! Great power!" the false seer tried to make her voice sound mystic, but ended up sounding more like a drunk, 70 year old woman with strep throat. The girls didn't care though. This was their hero!

"What about him Professor?" One of the girls asked, eyes shining with adoration.

"Ummm… He is coming! He shall come and change lives! This afternoon, the seer, the seer is coming!" The girls were bouncing with joy. Another seer to tell their futures for them! The bell rang and the room cleared in record time, everyone wanted to see the new "seer". Professor Trelawney groaned and fell backwards again. A seer of great power. Her and her big mouth!

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Neji had no idea what had happened to his nice, normal life, but he wanted it back _now._ First the Hokage had sent him off with his boyfriend to a school full of wizards, of all things. Then he had to actually make the trip with someone that he had never actually had a conversation before. He hadn't been able to do more than kiss his boyfriend for the past week. You couldn't see it on his face, but Hyuuga Neji was miserable. To put the syrup on the dango, he now had a pack of crazy, thirteen year old girls chasing after him, demanding that he tell their fortunes.

He had walked into the biggest room he could find, a huge hall that seemed to open to the sky, and had looked around. He had found Iruka-sensei's face, but before he could so much as say hello, the pack of rabid girls had accosted him. Neji had booked it out of the hall, made a bunshin and watched the girls run after it, but that had only been the first time he had escaped. He had been in Hogwarts for a total of four and one half hours. During this time, he had been chased for over five miles, hidden in a chandelier, been caught by Kakashi kissing Shikamaru, and contemplated suicide.

Shikamaru was puzzled. These wizards made no sense. Why did those girls think that Neji could see the future? His white eyes were unusual, but had never garnered this type of reaction in the other hidden villages. Two of the teachers had asked him if Neji was blind, and one had offered to show him where the brail books were. He had also discovered the horrors of fangirls. Shikamaru had never been a very energetic person, but he had run faster today than he ever had before. Apparently, because Neji had already been claimed by the "fortune telling club", Shikamaru had the pleasure of being chased by the "Yaoi fangirls". He had heard of their existence, but had never anticipated being chased by them. Most the ones in his village were already too attached to Sasuke and Naruto to bother with him and Neji.

Kotetsu felt sorry for the poor boy's. He knew that things would get worse for them as time went on. The fangirls hadn't even heard them talk yet. Kotetsu grinned, this was going to be a fun week.


	8. Something Like Home

_**Somewhat Like Home**_

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

_**A/N: **_We finally have people sitting in! Sorry for the lack of updates people, I try but AP classes come first and seeing as I have to sneak away to do it, writing is difficult. I do what I can.

"_Speaking in Japanese"_

_'thoughts'_

X~X~X~

Iruka yawned. He had (narrowly) escaped being dragged back into bed with Kakashi this morning, but he had only been able to by getting up early, _really_ early. The sensei glanced blearily out the window at the first rays of sun coming over the horizon. Was this even worth it? Being late wasn't the end of the world…

Looking back at his desk, Iruka began to shuffle papers around, clearing away the lesson plans he had been working on. Though he had already been called on many times to help in other classes, and had occasionally endured other teachers sitting in his classroom, this would be the first time that wizards from outside the school would be coming to observe his class. He should be used to this sort of thing really. Many ninja parents had stood over his shoulder before, making sure that he wasn't screwing up their precious baby's mind with twisted information. He had passed even the strictest tests with flying colors. Even Hyuuga-sama had been impressed.

The problem was that Iruka had found that some wizards had a twisted way of thinking. He had sweet talked his students into accepting the shinobi way, but adults were harder to convince, they tended to be more… set in their ways. The person that Iruka was most worried about was a ministry witch named Umbridge. Sounded like umbrage. And from what Iruka had heard about her, she was going to take umbrage at his teaching style.

The woman had apparently held a very high position in the ministry during Voldemort's reign of terror. After Voldemort had been defeated, she had been investigated for breaking several laws. Unfortunately, her lawyer had pulled out the excuse that, at the time, that is to say, during Voldemort's reign over the ministry, the laws had been null and void, and after they had been re-instated his client had of course adhered strictly. The defense had worked and the woman had kept her job, though she had fallen out of favor of the new minister, Kingsly Shackebolt, and had been seriously demoted. Harry had warned him that she was prejudiced and vicious. She would in all likelihood, try to twist Iruka's words and infer that he was saying something absolutely ridiculous. Iruka was going to have to be on his guard all day and he _hated_ that. There were reasons that he had turned down offers to take the jounin exams multiple times. He just hated that kind of stress. At least kids were manageable. (A/N Says him….)

Finally deeming the room presentable, Iruka pushed his chair out and stumbled towards the door, coffee was called for, and then a few katas to wake him up. A kiss from Kakashi and he would be able to face anything.

X~X~X~X

"Good morning class!" Iruka greeted his students cheerfully as he entered the classroom. A few happy replies echoed around. Many of the children seemed a little spooked by their audience. About ten adults had gathered in the back of the classroom. The long table they had conjured and the quills poised expectantly over rolls of parchment added to the feel of an evaluation. "Good morning." Iruka nodded politely to them before returning his attention to his pupils. "As you can see, class, we have guests today. They are here to learn, just as you are. Please act as you normally would. Guests, please feel free to ask questions that pertain to the material. If you have other questions, please talk to me after class." Walking over to his desk, Iruka leaned back, relaxed, ignoring the disapproving looks he was getting from an obnoxiously fat woman dressed in pink in the back of the room. "Since I was out last class, I want you to explain what you learned from our guest speakers, Shikamaru and Neji-sensei. Yes, Daniel?" The brown haired boy sat tall, proud of his knowledge.

"Kekkai-Genkai are bloodline traits. Bloodline traits are passed down through family lines, that are often arranged to keep the trait pure and inside the family."

"Very good Daniel. Maria, would you continue? Please list some bloodline traits and the families that hold them."

"In Konoha, the Hyuuga family guards the Byakugan, a bloodline trait that allows them to see three hundred and fifty-nine degrees around, through walls, over miles and miles of land clearly, and chakra points within the body."

"Excellent, Nicolas, please list another." Looking down at his notes, the boy recited,

"The Yamanaka clan can remove their spirit from their body to take over their enemy. The drawback of this trait is that the clan member's body is left unprotected while their spirit roams." Murmurs of horror drifted from the back of the room. Iruka grimaced internally. Considering what he had read about Voldemort's use of the imperious curse, this particular jitsu would be the one they objected to. Oh well, they would just have to get over it.

"Last question, Trisha, please explain the sharingan." The girl sat up, obviously exited about the subject.

"The sharingan is a particularly powerful bloodline trait, held by the Uchiha clan, that allows the user to copy other jitsu. A more advanced version of the sharingan is mangekyo. It can only be gained by killing your most precious person but allows the user to pull their enemy into a dream world where they are subject the wielders every whim." Iruka could feel the terrified stares from the adults boring into his forehead. "Five years ago, Itachi Uchiha was framed for the murder of his entire family, save his younger brother, Sasuke. With the entire village on his heels, he fled to the Akatsuki, an organization made up of high class criminals. Five years ago, eleven years after the Uchiha massacre, it was revealed that the true culprit was Pein, the leader of the Akatsuki. Sasuke, who had been after his brother's head, teamed up with Itachi, and together killed Pein, taking control of the Akatsuki. The members of the Akatsuki dispersed, and Itachi and Sasuke returned to Konoha. Today, there are four wielders of sharingan. Madara Uchiha, who had been Pein's prisoner at the time of the massacre, Sasuke Uchiha, Itachi Uchiha, and now, Itachi Uchiha's son, Akiko."

"Wonderful Trisha-chan! I can tell you were paying attention to that part of the lesson at least. I will take it for granted that Shikamaru covered the working of bloodline traits, and give you a quiz on the basics this Friday. Study your notes and be prepared."

"Ahem."

"Now, we have covered basic history, chakra, and bloodline traits. I am proud of you for absorbing the information as well as you have."

"Ahem!"

"If you have a cough perhaps you should go to the hospital wing mam, I hear that Pomfrey-san can cure them in a second. As I was saying-"

"Mr. Iruka, perhaps you can explain to me why you are filling these innocent children's heads with pointless, gruesome, stories?" Iruka looked at the toadyish woman with cold eyes.

"Perhaps you can explain why you are interrupting my class, mam?" The woman turned a sickeningly sweet smile on the teacher and stood to waddle to the front of the room.

"I am Miss Umbridge, from the Ministry of Magic. I can't help but feel that you really are filling these poor children's heads with silly stories that-"

"Umbridge-san, that little piece of _history_ had a purpose, but it obviously flew right over your head. Let me enlighten you. The Uchiha massacre is a perfect example of corrupted power, as well as an important part of shinobi history. There is more to that particular story, but you missed the class. If I may be so bold as to ask, why you are here? I know that the ministry has already evaluated and approved my class, so I really can't imagine why you feel that you have the authority to tell me how to teach." Umbridge looked as if her ego had a puncture. Her sweet smile was quickly evolving into a snarl.

"It is an open class, I have every right!"

"Yes, but not to disrupt my class. Now that you have, I have _every right_ to ask you to leave, and I will."

"The minster will be hearing about this, make no mistake!" The woman was even more repulsive when purple. It was Iruka's turn to smile.

"Oh, I am sure he will. And I can just imagine what he'll make of it, what with your track record. Be sure that he will also be hearing about how you came in and disrupted my class and questioned my teaching methods." With purple face and bulging eyes, Umbridge practically panted with rage. Iruka pondered that it was actually an insult to toads to compare the woman to that esteemed species. Unexpectedly, Umbridge drew her wand and screamed something. Iruka, with seventeen year of shinobi training on his side,(A/N he's twenty-two) dodged the spell easily, reaching for his kunai holster.

The class was on its feet screaming and the clueless adults just sat there, gaping at the scene. Before any of the wizards had a chance to do anything, however, a very strange phenomenon occurred. Umbridge dropped her wand and began to raise her hands to the top of her head. The shrieks of anger turned to gales of laughter as the woman raised her hands to her head and spread her pudgy fingers. Iruka smiled grimly and pointed to one of his students.

"Nadine, care to explain?"

The girl wiped tears of laughter from her eyes, the sight really was ridiculous, especially considering the fact that the woman couldn't speak and was obviously furiously attempting to move. "The shadow jitsu, exclusive to the Nara clan, holds the recipient prisoner through their connected shadow and forces them to shadow the wielders movement!" The laughter increased when Neji opened the door and Shikamaru stepped through, somehow making the ridiculous position seem cool. Neji nodded respectfully to Iruka.

"Iruka sensei, I saw trouble and we thought you could use some help." Iruka nodded back.

"Thank you; it certainly does cement the usefulness of bloodline traits."

"What should I do with her, sensei?" Shikamaru drawled, wriggling his fingers. Umbridge looked outraged, as outraged as she could while trapped in the infuriating.

"Well, if Neji-kun would be so kind as to render her unconscious, we can call the headmaster and ask him to take care of her for us."

"Of course, Iruka-sensei." Neji had a slight, happy looking smile on his face as his hand sped toward Umbridge's neck. One delicate tap and the woman was out cold. Shikamaru yawned and dropped the jitsu, letting the woman thump ungracefully to the floor. It took only a few seconds for them both to bid their teacher goodbye and shove the repulsive lump of flesh out the door. Once she was gone, Iruka turned to take control of his class again.

"Quiet please! Now that we have removed the distractions, we will continue with the lesson."

X~X~X~X

Amazingly, it took Kakashi all of three hours to learn about the incident. Unfortunately, he heard during lunch and choked on his food. Luckily, he was eating in the rafters, hiding behind the fake sky, so no-one noticed the humiliating gesture.

Shikamaru and Neji left after lunch, bidding Hogwarts a happy goodbye as they left as quickly as their feet could take them. Genma, who had been enjoying some *ahem* quality time with Kotetsu, was not quite as happy to leave, but took comfort in the fact that he would be coming back in a few weeks.

Iruka, after hugging his former pupils goodbye, went to search for Kakashi. He was slightly suspicious. When the silver haired pervert left him alone for a whole morning, something was up. Since he had covered for Kotetsu that morning so that he could spend a few hours with Genma before he left, Kotetsu had agreed to teach the afternoon classes alone.

"Kakashi?" Iruka poked his head warily around the doorpost. "Kakashi-koi? I have the afternoon off, where'd you go?"

X~X~X~X~X


	9. Just Like Home

**Hyuuga From Home**

_**Summary**__**:**_ Iruka is teaching at Hogwarts with Kotetsu as his assistant. The Hogwarts student's new course: All you'll ever need to know about Ninja. Yaoi Pairings, KakaIru, Genma/Kotetsu, NaruSasuNaru, NejiShika, LeeGaaraLee RWHG. Harry Potter Naruto Crossover

_**Disclaimer:**_ If I had something funny I would type it but alas… No, I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series or any of the characters.

_**Warning**__**:**_ Yaoi inside. If it's not your cup of tea then why did you click on it?

So much thanks to KakahsiKrazed who's reviews inspire me to write! All you other readers, imitate… her? Him? I'm not sure, but write down ideas for what you think happens next in a review! There's a good chance that I'll use them. This OMAKE comes from plot bunnies donated by KakashiKrazed.

Sorry! I know this is short! I'm doing what I can!

X~X~X~

OMAKE 1. The Art of Punishing the Toad.

Kakashi tip-toed through the ministry in sock covered feet. He had forgotten his shoes back in his 'Ruka's bedroom when he had rushed out to avenge his sweet dolphin.

When he had written his wedding vows, Kakashi had been sure to mention the fact that he would do absolutely anything to protect his husband. Anything. In fact, he mentioned it so many times, that the vows were two pages long. By the time Kakashi had finished reading out the punishments that he had come up with for anyone who touched his beloved dolphin, a few of the genin had peed their pants and Ibiki looked impressed. Iruka had later said that if he had put half as much effort into his mission reports as he had that particular piece of writing, they would never have the relationship that they had now. Kakashi's last report had consisted of five words. 'Went, found, killed, came home.'

Now, Kakashi was on a self appointed, top secret, S class mission to find and punish Dolores Umbridge without Iruka's knowledge; because of course, being the sweet, innocent creature he was, Iruka would not realize just how much this woman needed to be skinned, disemboweled, crucified, and left in the middle of the forbidden forest for the thestrals. Yes. Or maybe he should be more imaginative… Kakashi mused on different methods of torture as he slipped through the hallways to Ubridges office. Yes. This woman was very very dead.

The silver haired ninja contemplated the stupidity of the British Ministry of Magic as he opened the door to the pink monstrosity's office. He hadn't even had to kill any one to get this far.

Wow. That kid really hadn't been kidding when he had said that calling this…thing…a toad was an insult to the species. Kakashi hadn't even thought that that was possible. He loved toads, sure, but they were the ugliest things in the world. Ok, that's not true. The title belonged to Tsunade's slugs. And anyway, that wasn't the point; the title had just been won by the oozing lump of hideousness in front of him. The ninja winced at the wheezing laugh emanating from The Blob. Yikes, he was going to need help after this. Maybe he could get Itachi to wipe his mind for him…

Creeping up behind her, Kakashi gave The Blob a polite tap ion the shoulder. He wanted the Blob's complete attention when he tortured it.

"What?" It snapped. "I'm busy! That little slime ball Iruka is going to be crying by the time I'm done with him!" Again with the wheezing laugh. Itachi was most definitely wiping his mind after this. But that was beside the point. Iruka was being threatened. DIE BLOB! DIE! Kakashi raised his headband and exposed the sharingan.

Turning around, the woman's eye's widened. Unexpectedly, she still had the unparalleled stupidity as to believe that speaking was a good idea. "Which one are you? Itachi? You must be! The oldest Uchiha!" Kakashi stared, nonplussed. How was it possible to be this brainless?

"No."

"Then he was lying! Iruka taught false information! The sharing-gin exists outside the Uchiha clan! That man is sacked for sure!" (A/N, the spelling of "sharingan" is all Umbridge's horrible pronunciation.)

'Ok', Kakashi thought, 'enough talking, lets fight!' His fist zoomed forward into the Blob's forehead. It collapsed with a last pathetic wheeze. So much for fighting.

X~X~X~X~X

(A/N, and you get to find out just what he does to The Blob in the next chapter! On to the next short cerebral expulsion! I love these things…. Oh, and a note, for those of you who are wonderful and have read a Great and Terrible Beauty, this story does not run parallel. Itachi does have a son with Madara named Akiko, and he has activated the sharingan, but there the similarities end.) By the way, who caught the Kung Fu Panda line?

X~X~X~X~

"Hey, Sasuke! We have a new mission!" Sasuke looked up from his dinner plate irritably, glaring at the hawk that had delivered the mission scroll. It had been a long day and all he wanted to do was collapse into bed with his Dobe to smex the night away but noooooooooooo. The stupid Hokage had to assign them a mission.

"Hey! We get to go and see Iruka sensei!" Now Sasuke was pale. Ignoring Naruto's victory dance around the room, he thought back on all the information he had gather on this mission from Neji and Shikamaru. He would have to go and live in a revolting castle for a week and a half while teaching little monsters, holding politically centered discussions with idiots, and being chased by an alarming number of fangirls. Hell on Earth!

"Hey Sasuke! Maybe this means we can get some more alone time in! I can't wait! Can you?"

Sasuke's inner chibi started crying.

X~X~X~


End file.
